she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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