U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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