people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
