i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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