Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize