Can i not drive my cunt home
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
