Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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