My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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