don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
