i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
