Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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