she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
