just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As shirtless as possible
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
