even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
