Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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