Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
