She is in my trunk
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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