My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
