I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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