the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
