Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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