Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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