i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
