you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
