Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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