I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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