Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize