Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
