I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
