I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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