So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
