Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
