His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
