Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
