Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
