His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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