If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
