I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
