so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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