only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
