i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
