White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
