We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
