Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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