He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
