Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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