I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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