Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
