It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
