i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
