I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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