I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Enjoy the penises
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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