Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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