I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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