You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
