cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
