Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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