She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's like heaven, but drunker
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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