You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
