i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
