Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
