you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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