forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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