The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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