Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
