WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
