I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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