You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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