evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
