I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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