Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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