Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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